How to Overcome Trust Issues in a Relationship: 12 Steps

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On the other hand, gaining someone's trust when they aren't sure they want to give it is a lot of work. I can be bawling my eyes out while on the phone with him, telling him how much I fear for our relationship one night and spend the next with him like the last never happened. Coleman suggests being hypervigilant after a betrayal is evolutionarily intended to keep us from haplessly wandering into another betrayal. Another major episode I am in a long distance relationship with an older man.

This means feeling things fully. I have caught her in numerous lies, mostly involving keeping in touch with her ex boyfriends. We've been together for almost 2 years. Just because your girlfriend has cheated in the past, does not necessarily mean she will do so again.

How to Fix Trust Issues in a Relationship

I have been with my boyfriend for eight months now and i love him so much, but i find it hard to trust him. He has never lied or been unfaithful, nor had he ever given me any reason to not trust him. I have had a few boyfriends between now and then, but have never really loved them or felt for them, not the way i do my current boyfriend. But i cant trust him, when he goes out im wondering what he is doing, even if i know he is with his friends i wonder if they are hanging out with girls. He is so kind and i dont really think he would do anything to hurt me yet still, I get worked up about him being out. It sometimes get to the point where i have convinced myself that he has done somthing, because he hasnt text me back quick enough so i start to worry and i know the people he has been out with are home. This is just resulting in arguing. He keeps asking why we are arguing, what has he done wrong. And i know he hasnt done anything so what is my problem. I really want to trust him, i love him with all my heart, and there is no reason for my distrust. I think it may be because, i was hurt before and if i convince myself its going to happen again it wont hurt as bad, but oviously this is rediculous. I Just needed to tell someone, he doesnt really understand, and i dont feel my friends will, as they all get on so well and know he is a great guy. And I lost them all self-fulfilling prophecy. Giving our men a hard time makes men in our lives feel inadequate. If a man feels he cannot make you happy, he will leave. I think several reasons we do this behavior might shed light on how to solve problem: First, bravery. You put your finger on it -- risking our feelings of being hurt again is so scary. Why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend, if you are insecure, you are likely to settle for a man that falls short. Perhaps you are subconsciously sabotaging a relationship that is not quite right. Solutions: Well I highly recommend therapy. Also, I highly recommend surrounding yourself with positive. Are friends or family members or work situation dragging you down in subtle ways. This confidence has transformed me. This was not easy - it took a huge commitment to myself. However, the alternative, without all the hard work I invested in myself, my history will have repeated, i. I would continued to burn thru relationships or end up having a man cheat through self-fulfilling prophecy that means creating one's own situation that drove him to cheat. Listen I feel the exact same way and reading this has only helped me come to the conclusion that might help us both. See i had a girl i cared for very much and she hurt me alot on and off through out my younger days, she still to this day tries to et back with me but ive learned from past mistakes. He has never given me any reason to not trust him but for some reason I just worry whenever he's not with me that he's off with a girl and up to no good. He texts me all the time when he's not with me and is always telling me he loves me and that im his favourite person in the world, i dont know why that isnt enough to convince me. Much like other people in this thread I think the reason I do this is to protect myself, I feel like if im prepared for this to happen then it wont hurt so much. I've always been very careful not to say anything about it to him because i know im being insane and it's to do with ym insecurities. Like a poster above said it is a self fulfilling prophecy. The first is that they will straight up leave because it is not only unfair to them, but its also a slap in the face of their integrity. The other situation is that they will actually cheat. I know a couple of guys that cheated because their gf's kept accusing them of doing it and they werent. The guys rationale was that He might as well do it if hes being accused of it so often. I dont agree with this rationale, but it happens. Dig deep and find out what it is thats making you ahve these thoughts. If their actions are saying they are faithful then there is no reason to believe otherwise. It is a service I used in order to keep my own stresses in check. Come on all of these people just throwing stones. Honestly, I used to worry about where my boyfriend was all the time. Wonder if he was honest and committed to me. I was able to be a fly on the wall and just see how he was when Why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend wasn't around. I have never been more secure and happy in a relationship as I am knowing what I know now. Thank you I let them know just how much it helped me. I don't think that everytime we girls worry that there is a man doing something slimy, but sometimes even finding out for sure is all we really need. Yeah its 3 years later but i felt like commenting too lol im in the same situation. I hate myself for getting mad for no reason when he goes out but in the end its not a problem i have with him its a problem with myself. Getting cheated on before doesnt help your relationship now. You try to tell your self this person is different and theres no chance it would happen but in the end you cant help the way you feel and you overthink everything. What helps me not think about these imaginary things is keep myself busy while hes out. Going out with my friends while hes out with his helps me clear my head and not think about what hes doing. Grilling him while hes going out and causing arguemnts that dont even make sence only ruin your relationship and drive two people that love each other apart. You must understand that there is no way you can stop him from cheating you. Its his choice, if he wants to cheat, he will, if he doesnt he wont. But the more you think about it, the more likely it may happen. It depends on him and entirely him, if he is willing to risk relationship because of some fling, then he is not ready for relationship, if he wants flings then he should stay single, not playing other people emotions. It depends on his character, morals etc. Hope for the best, be ready for the worst. So reading this really made me feel a lot better about a lot of things. It's nice to know there are people out there going through the same things that you are. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now. And sometimes I don't think I deserve him. I am a senior in high school, and he is a freshman in college. Our relationship started out with him always being 10 minutes away, now that he is in college, it's much harder, obviously because he is no longer so close, he is two hours. I realize that isn't as far as other relationships out there, and I'm glad we are still together. But my boyfriend is very different. I was his only girlfriend he has ever had, and I was his first kiss. I was his first everything, so I feel like he is pretty attached to me. A lot of girls at school were always very interested, but he was just always quiet, and wasn't really looking for a relationship. I definitely made the first move, and I do not regret that at all. He treats me perfectly and I'm extremely happy. However, as he is getting more into his freshman year, many of his friends party. A lot of the time he says no, but sometimes, I know he wants to go do something that doesn't bore him, and besides playing volleyball he doesn't do much, he isn't fond of college. Well he has gone out a few times, only twice really. And he has only had a bit to drink. No more than four beers, because we both agreed his first time being drunk, we should be together, to see what he is like. He texts me constantly and is so sweet throughout each message, but I get so mean and jealous. My ex that I dated for a year and a half cheated on me and it hurt very bad. I broke down inside, as corny as that sounds, I just couldn't trust anyone. The next guy I dated went to parties all the time and I didn't mind it at all because I just didn't care. I can't imagine losing him, and I know I'm 18 and the chances of us ending up together are slim to none, but I still wanted advice. Just on how to view the situation. I need to be a better girlfriend for the sake of our relationship. He has never done anything to make me question him. And I've never even caught him texting another girl with smiley faces, which would be okay if he did to an extent. Is it because I'm trying to prepare myself for if he hurts me. My mom thinks I'm insecure, which I'm beginning to think so too. Why am I trying to mess this relationship up with my worries, when its been going absolutely perfect. I'm taking all of this advice though, because I will not lose him, I can't. Its good to know I am not the only one feeling crazy and in need of help. I am a man and I am having the same problem, I don't trust my girlfriend one bit and I question everything she does. She has done nothing to breach my trust, I have been burned in the past and I know I shouldn't worry or judge her from their mistakes but I can't help it. I am having panic attacks and I don't know what to do. I just want to trust her and feel comfortable and relaxed and happy with the woman I love but instead I just feel scared, worried, jealous and untrusting every single day. Because i really feel he is going to just pull away and be done with me soon. I feel the same way with my boyfriend. We've been together for almost 2 years. I've never been this insecure woman. I was always the one on the top of the game - I was the one that actually cheated on my boyfriends. Then I fell crazy in love and I realized how important is to have trust in the relationship, that I never want to cheat again, that I want to cherish this amazing intimacy we had with my boyfriend. Well, our biggest problem was that we started of the shaky ground - we met at a disco, really enjoyed each others company, kept spending every single minute together, we moved in together. After 4 amazing months, I found out that my boyfriend actually lied to me just about everything. About his age, position, schools he attended, places he lived, apartment we stayed in. I was 28 years old and he was 22 years old kid. To cut the story short, he gave me good reasons for his lies, that actually made sense and we stayed together. We had amazing time, it was really intense, but sometimes, there were some phone calls from women, hidden text messages - he always talked his way out of it and made me trust him. We were almost 24 hours together we lived together and worked together so I actually knew that there's no way he's doing anything and I knew he really loves me. When he was by my side, i was the happiest girl ever, the minute he left went to town or somewhereI wasn't sure. He lied to me a lot about small things, so it was hard to believe him in other issues. I believed him and not believed him in the same time. I was constantly looking for some evidence material, I became Sherlock Holmes, I was double checking, triple checking and cross checking informations he gave me - I never really found out anything that was a definite break dealer. Even situations when i thought that this is it turned out to be a mistake, or I just wasn't sure. Bottom line is, after 2 years, this fear of him cheating on me and not telling me the truth pushed me over the edge. I just started cheating on him, not because I don't love him, or I want to be with another man. Just to get this crazy pressure of my mind, to feel myself better - less emotionally attached. I knew that the minute, I'll do it, it's the end of the relationship and we have no future together. I couldn't just break up with him, there were too many emotions, I had to do it step by step - unattach myself, otherwise I would go nuts. I realized that in my situation - it doesn't actually matter what he actually really does, or doesn't. I was constantly living in the fear, that it will happen and I know that psychologically, if it didn't happen - I would push him to cheat one day, or he would just do it. These kinds of relationships are maybe passionate, but they are not healthy and you can't live like this in a long run. You have to ask yourself, what you really want in your life. If you feel insecure, maybe you should take a break, be on your own. But I just know, that I won't marry this man, because even I love him a lot, I just feel deeply inside of me, that he is just a patological liar and i won't feel myself secure with him. Trust your your relationships fully, talk about your fears, cry, show what you feel - and after some time, you will see if the man you're with is worth it. You will know, you've done everything for it to work, you tried, but it didn't work. Sometimes the fault is on his side, that you are insecure, but because there are little things. Sometimes it's your own issue. I think either way, it's good to take a break. Maybe you would be happier by yourself and you could actually work on yourself to get mentally stronger. I actually got an email today from the wife of the man I've been with in the past. Why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend 15 years of marriage she found out about all his affairs. It was the last drop for my decision to quit my partner. I realized that some people are just born to be unfaithful and will cheat no matter what. These people get away with their lies often for years, but somehow, it seems that the truth will always somehow resurface. So if you feel insecure in your current relationship, stop making it hard on yourself and on your partner, especially if you don't have kidslook for the person, that you'll feel safe with. There are people that have strong values and they will make you feel safe. Maybe they are not that good why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend or I don;t know. It seems we can' t have everything. With hot partner you'll always have this risk. Sorry for such a long post, but I could write a book on this issue. In our lives people will break our trust. This is no real reason to think that everyone will break your trust, in a relationship. Phil says: Trust in others has so much to do with how much confidence and trust we have in ourselves. Often this includes letting go of the need for hypervigilance, and getting real about our fears. I am living the same situation so well described by Aimee. I can't go to theraphy at the moment for various reasons. But maybe talking about this, on here, could help. I need to find a way to stop this, cause I can't take it anymore and I know that I can't live like this no longer. I feel like a bomb going to explode in a minute. I'm trying to be strong, but my energy is at the minimum. Im available for private talking too, cause no why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend seems to understand what Im going through. If you think it can be a good idea, just ask and I will post my mail. He hasn't given me any inclination that he has done anything wrong, but I just assume its going to happen despite what he tells me. He says I need to change as its unfair on him when he's done nothing wrong. Deep down I know he hasnt but i can't help but feel insecure so I act all defensive. I have been with him for 6 years since we were 16. I havent had a bad relationship previously, but I could put it down to the fact my dad was very disloyal to my mum and it made me think no man could be truly trusted. Ever since I have always been wary when hes on the internet. He is nice and friendly and doesnt appear to be like he is 'behind the scenes' so I know the worst of it could be 'all talk no action' if you get me. It also doesnt help that I am in my last year of Uni and he now lives in London so we are still not experiencing a proper relationship as we are young. Who knows, maybe it will change if I move to be with him. It's good to know i'm not the only one facing this. Helpless yet still loving him. Having a 2-years relationship really change me into a vulnerable lady,even he's done nothing wrong. No cheats, no flings and i could say i'm his top priority. But still, having the thought that he might fall into other girl kills me everyday. Think it roots from the fact that he had a real good time with chicks over the years and left them for me. Mostly said im lucky but yeah, insecurity shadows me everyday. My last boyfriend was just like you. I feel he pushed me away because he thought i was cheating on him, partying, etc,etc,etc because I had a car and i was unemployed i had the time and tools to fool around on him, when truth be told, I completely was 100% lyal to my committment towards him. On top of that I treated him like a king. He was the first person I ever truly loved yet his issues of trust made him become a monster towards me. His trust issues came from one of his prior boyfriend who cheated on him. Just like your boyfriend I would ask my boyfriend, whats wrong. If she left town, that would leave the boyfriend feeling abandoned especially if had did nothing wrong. I speak from my psst relationship. Im still suffering through the pain its caused me. Ive never been in a relationship with someone who made why do i have trust issues with my girlfriend float everytime i saw them. It was easy for me to behave in his name and to honor him because I truly loved him and if he hurt than i hurt. I feel his insecurities stemmed from rumors, or from his past relationship. My friends warned me and badmouthed him to me, yet i ignored there remarks because I took him for face value. I wish he would of done the same, as i beleive a friend of mine was placing bad thoughts in his head about me. Regardless he is a monster for his actions towards me and there is no turning back now.

However, many of us have trust issues with people who never shown any sign of untrustworthiness. Unfortunately it is ruining our relationship cause I just cannot be at peace not trusting him 100%. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 10 months. But I am the one that has trust issues that have roots from my early childhood, I always felt insecure in school or sports, though I was an excellent student and a player. I thought I'd log in and post an update. But in the back of my mind I thought well she only offered cause while I was in the other room, she was deleting them. And then, we whine about how unfair love is to us. Related emotions — jealousy and fear: Although there are varying evolutionary and psychological theories surrounding jealousy and fear, in simple terms they are both products of our own self-esteem.